Randomly thinkin’ about all the times I fell really hard for someone but worked myself up so much that I was too nervous to ever say anything, versus the times I did and they turned out to be an abusive or manipulative sociopath (or just basic cruddy person). Wondering if I were less of an anxiety disaster if any in the former category would have actually worked out nicely and I’d have at least gotten a brief experience of a halfway decent relationship lol

or like, they’ll just feel really bad and i don’t want them to just FEEL BAD bc the moment’s already passed, that doesn’t fix anything? i can’t change that they ruined this experience and will never get an opportunity to watch it for the first time again, so what does telling them i’m upset even do? nothing at all?? then it’s pointless.

i also hate that i am so upset over something like this and also hate that i won’t say anything about it bc while i am upset over it, it is something that i just inherently expect other people would not see as something worth getting so upset over and therefore won’t care i said so/would be confused i’m so upset in the first place

i just always feel like a prick pointing out things that are obvious to me like “maybe this tense, gripping scene is not the time to be asking a totally irrelevant question and i should just enjoy the moment unfolding or at least avoid ruining the experience for others”

so many things that i view as like a common courtesy that i do that other people seem to have never considered might be an issue for other people and ignore + trample over constantly

always feel real bad when i get super frustrated over something a friend does while i simultaneously don’t want to tell them bc my dumb brain just tells me it’s something stupid meaningless thing that my dumb brain is upset over and not something that everyone else cares about so i don’t feel justified in being upset while i’m upset anyway

but at the sametime i am upset with them and don’t want to talk to them bc i can’t tell them why i’m upset and am also too burnt out to pretend i’m not upset so instead i usually just stop responding/drop out of call/etc. like a fucking idiot